I am Meredith Grey.

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I love watching Grey’s Anatomy. Lately, after subscribing Netflix back, I finish the last season, it was great. But the highlight point is, watching how Meredith Grey is becoming a great women surgeon, who won the Harper Avery award, and how she become this strong yet caring woman to everybody with every downfall she’s been through all her life. Time flies, I finished the last episode.

Decided I couldn’t get enough, I continue watching the first episode, of the first season.

Damn, I can’t get a better picture how my days are like. The season’s started when Meredith’s is just an intern. And it was funny, how days like this made me watch Grey’s Anatomy, and lead me to this first episode, again. I mean, if watch back then, I wouldn’t get the picture what a woman she has become. And now, I have witnessed how she finally won that award, and I was reminded how she started off awfully. How she was being terrified all day long, she was assigned stupid task, she got messed up when she’s finally given task, how she tried to be active and tried to earn respects from her senior, all of the stupid shits she must face everyday during these days.. you know until finally she won that Harper Avery. Is this a sign God?

At that first episode, I was just like.. This. Is. It.

I am Meredith Grey. Someday I will won that Pencil Award. And I swear, I can’t wait to give a motivational speech to the new intern’s first day in my office. And also, for the first time ever, I can’t wait to start the game again, and picture Meredith Grey’s days in my head, so I could be the most highly-motivated, observant, active, initiative, hopefully smart enough to make the right move.

I made a complete mistake at the first place, to think I will be an intern that is smarter than the creative director and giving noble advice to the team just because I’m the top at my class, and a few amateur position at silly organisation. Of course that wouldn’t happen. It’s not the right way to motivate myself. It’s never been right.

Understanding my capacity, understanding the situation, understanding the needs to be done, is the important key. It’s not the time to dream, and be broken if I failed to reach it, especially impossible dreams. That’s now how it works.

So right now, I already understand the game. I understand the people. I understand how I should put my expectation, and how much I should put my energy in the game. And I understand if I expect easy days.. I put my mindset in the wrong shit. It will be hard, you’ll be just total clueless about what you’re supposed to do, even though you’d really like to give ideas but your brain goes total blank, that’s okay. Maybe you’re just dying to blend in, you’re dying to finally get asked to get lunch together, or you’re just being broken when your seniors actually can’t hide their disappointment face of your cluelessness, it’s okay. For God’s sake, you’re a freaking intern. And you know what, it is okay. You’re not stupid. You’re not useless. You still, have a bright future. You are, supposed to feel you’re shit sometimes. But once again, it’s okay, because, you are an intern.

This may sounds really cliche, but it will, it will pass, and you’re actually will be ready to take a one step higher position, with a brain ready to be in the real game, and maybe that clueless brain would not be that clueless anymore. People will give you respect little by little, they will remember your name, and.. also your work, how you give contribution to the team, you slowly will be proud of you not giving up on your day one, and that you actually managed to pass these kind of days, with strong heart, because yes, I watch Grey’s Anatomy, and I’m not regretting it any second.

So I promise you, one day, I’ll be posting how I’m proud of the first pitch I won, or the first TVC idea that’s airing in the TV, or even the first award that I won, and all because of I didn’t give up at times like this, I fought, I keep on fighting no matter how 1000 reasons made me want to stop, but I just gotta play that Meredith Grey’s moment winning Harper Avery one more time, and I know I’m good to continue.

Someday folks, someday. Maybe this post will show up, when you search my name, along with my ads or my award. See ya real soon. And anyway, I love you Shonda Rhimes, you da one.

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